The kid that believed animals could talk

I don’t know about you but when I was five, I had this feeling that even when I was out saving the world-because I was just that awesome- the people who really had it covered were the power rangers. I don’t think you understand. I loved those guys so much I dedicated three out of five days of my week in school to act like I was one. Only three other people understood the seriousness and level of skill it took to handle such responsibility and I love them all for that…stay strong, red, blue, and pink.

This was actually a normal occurrence for me because despite the many teachings in church that superheroes did not exist, I believed and along with that many other things.

Things I believed when I was a kid:

  
1. My brother told me that he and I were in my mother’s stomach at the same time. We used to play football [my dad played football, so it wasn’t hard to fall into this trap] and because he was a better scorer than I was, he got to get out first and that’s how I ended up being the last born.

2.  There’s this mark on my shoulder, it’s a chicken pock and for the longest time, I swear my brother convinced me that I was burnt by the house help and for a week I hated Jano [R.I.P] because I thought she hated me, only to find out the truth from my mother.

3.  When I was around six, my friend once told me that if I swam with gum in my mouth, I would get stuck in the water. At first I thought it must be a chemical reaction that takes place, I think I even gave up on gum altogether, how could it not be chewed EVERYWHERE? Then ten years down the line I realized she meant it’s because gum is sticky. I really took a lot of people too seriously.

4.       There was a farmer in my room. He always stood at my door and watched me sleep. Reality: my gown, lights and shadows playing tricks on me.

5.  That maybe, just maybe, I could be a cartoon when I grew up, preferably with my own show like bugs bunny.

There are some things I’m not proud…so don’t judge me

But there’s more, turns out I wasn’t the only one…

Things my friends believed when they were younger-I’m never alone, that’s why it’s birds of a feather…

1.  That when there was thunder, God was doing the dishes… really? All his angels were there just to sing?

2.  That if they planted a tooth in the backyard they would get a tooth tree/teeth tree? And so they could trick the tooth fairy into coming every night then they’d be rich…really? [picture my voice going deeper after each ‘really’]

3.  That when it rained, God was probably crying, God was melting the sky…you know what God, start telling these kids to get with reality…you were actually in the…loo---king for food.

4.  That people with big stomachs drunk a lot of tea…I’m not even sure this was a sane childhood environment…

5.  That when she grew up she would be a mermaid, live in the sea, have human friends and marry a prince… this is what Disney does to people.

You know what…after hearing these seriously depressing childhood stories, I can’t feel ashamed anymore, especially when I’m not going to let my kids live with my brother for even a day so as to avoid seeing what it is exactly they come home with.

I can do the tricking myself.