Growing up sucks!

This is my life when I was younger.

I actually cared about trees and the sun wore sunglasses for some strange yet to be explained reason thanks to the republishing of old time lady bird classics.

Life was easy.

                                             This is my life now.

What the hell is happening?

I think my ninja days are over...

I almost lost a toe today and not just any toe, my BIG toe.

Super painful, I wouldn’t recommend it climbing any chairs in front of around two hundred people. Especially those cinema-like push up chairs or whatever they are called

Yes, of course I was that mama climbing chairs in the school hall right before class started.

And clearly I didn’t think that plan through because those chairs really don’t hold people’s weight when people [admittedly I’m probably the only one who thought of this all day] are standing on them.

In hindsight, it wasn’t my entire fault. A certain mule [not an actual mule] had refused to let me through and so my ninja instincts kicked in [all of which involve no actual training]

I stepped on the back of said mule’s chair feeling on top of the world then on to the next chair.

This was bad idea #2 just this week.

You know that whole Physics lesson about load, fulcrum and effort. Well, that stuff is actually bloody true. Wairimu was the load, the fulcrum was too close to her and the second chair [and mule] was making no effort to give her a break.

Next thing I know [obviously in my mind blowing slow motion and Imax 3D clarity] I was soaring ironically to the ground. I’m not sure when Toe got caught up in all of this movie action but I do know that Right leg and Left leg were bending in directions only gymnasts dream about [that’s right people I’m just that flexible or more than I think in my body is actually broken].

Not to mention I don’t actually know if I was holding on to a person or a desk but I wasn’t falling any further.

I couldn’t do anything else but laugh. I focussed my concentration, pain and embarrassment and all my energy on my laughter. This for me at that moment was taking a lot of my strength due to the fact that all I wanted to do was cry!

What??

Toe injuries hurt.          

All in all, I came out with my whole body intact, toe still attached and head still screwed right on, as right on as it can be.

And I’m getting a veil to wear because there is no way I’m facing that class again.

That or I create a twin sister whose obsession involves mimicking my clothing and getting me into embarrassing situations.

That works.

Eye Sanitizer?

Well, I come up with bad ideas every day.

Today’s really bad idea was cleaning my eyes with hand sanitizer. Now I know what most of you are thinking....it’s hand sanitizer. Well, here are two things I didn’t want to do before I made that stupid decision. I didn’t want to stand up and I didn’t want to enter the recently mopped bathroom and so my lazy ass led me to make a horrifically painful decision.

In case you’re wondering, this decision happened at midnight so I’m hoping that my tired mind will be forgiven for being creative.

Oh yes and for one thing it burns! It really fu... BURNS!

Also, it evaporates after a while and then you start to see again and realise that it was all worth it in the end because you got the chance to warn the rest of the people out there who wanted to try it.

I just looked at myself in the mirror and although my eyes probably smell and taste grape fruity fresh, they are hardly as clean as I want them. One of the setbacks of wearing makeup is having to scrub it, literally scrub it off your face. Boys you should know what we go through.

I’m too sleepy to say anything meaningful anyways...

oh my gosh at some point in all this was i supposed to look at the warning about it being in contact with the eyes and rinsing well with clean water????? Oops... this is slowly becoming alarmingly embarrassing!

And I'm going to bed...

Clouds seriously move...

Before I launch into another one of my tirades, I’d like to remember the families who lost their loved ones to the flash floods. May God be with you.

So, it was a sunny day on May 16, 2012…at least it was sunny until it wasn’t. As usual I was struggling to finish a biochemistry report because as my life in medicine has taught me I’m not as good at school work as I was in high school. I had ten minutes left and ten pages left to go and this included graphs that had to be drawn and a certain friend of mine, I’ll call her Nalani [because of the meaning] had decided that sitting on the bench outside would be the perfect place for our reports to be finished. [Remind me not to listen to CERTAIN friends].

There we are sitting calmly with our other friend, who’s…um…spirited attitude is getting in the way of my writing that is she is shouting and complaining about being there even though she has nothing to do…this is making her irritable and it’s making me want to punch her not to mention she was doing all this with earphones on so it was taking the whole volume of her voice to a new level….a really new level. She’ll be Neci.

Anyway, I’m mumbling a lot because the amount of time I have left and the amount of work does not comply to anything possible because clearly and as always, the world is against me. They tell me to shut up and do my work but that only makes me want to scream a little more for lack of control of my fingers which are shaking at four hundred kilometres per hour. [Can you calibrate shakes?]

Suddenly, Neci looks up. “What is that?”

We ignore her because she’s been talking too much anyway.

“No seriously you guys, what is that?” she says again.

I glance up at her happy to be shifting even the slightest bit on the little space that Nalani has left for me on the bench despite the fact that Neci has another one all to herself. Granted I did follow Nalani to the same bench so that’s my entire fault.

Neci has panic written all over her face.

“What is what?”

“You stop talking and do your work.” Nalani barks. Jeez, someone needs to chill.

“That sound. You can’t hear.” She looks up at the sky. “It’s about to rain.”

Assuming she’s heard thunder I nod and take my eyes back to the undoable work on my book. But this time I’m really listening…it doesn’t sound like thunder at all because thunder doesn’t take five…ten…twenty seconds to die down. Thunder dies down faster.

I’m now curious to know what exactly the sound is. I look in its direction and notice about five people sprinting like maniacs towards the field of grass that we’re on.

It can’t be, I think to myself even though I have not the slightest idea as to what ‘IT’ is.

I look at Neci. She seems to figure out what is about to happen and then next thing I know she’s up. “You guys it’s a passing cloud!” she shouts.

I don’t catch on at first but Nalani is even slower. It’s when we really hear the rain that we get on our feet.

If you’ve met me then you know there’s one thing I cannot pretend to do. It’s calm.

I’m not even sure I know what the word ‘calm’ means.

I’m not even sure if my name and 'it' can be used in a sentence unless not is included.

Just like with the dog, Lu.

I want to cry. Neci is already jogging on the spot trying to get us to leave. Nalani is pacing…as if that’s helping.

Finally I kick in some much needed panic phrases.

“Holy sugar[yeah right, like I said sugar]! Get everything!!!! GET EVERYTHING! NALANI PICK EVERYTHING!” I scream at the top of my lungs. Neci takes this as her cue to run away. Nalani is still dazed and out of her element of neatness and order. Despite the description, she’s the least neat of my friends…there are worse.

I’ve not even touched anything yet, except the pen I’m holding. When I realize this I start to do some much needed hero antics. But it involves a few unnecessary instructions…to myself. “PEN! BOOK! OTHER BOOK! OTHER PEN…NO THAT’S A PENCIL! OTHER BOOK! BENCH! NO NOT THE BENCH! CAR! CAR? BAG! DROP BAG! PICK BAG! UMBRELLA[I didn’t even pick that one up]! NALANI! NO NOT NALANI! SELF! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”

I haven’t run in a month but I swear I was the fastest creature out there. I could feel the wind in my hair and then suddenly the rain too. It had caught up with me but not enough to soak me as I got into the shelter of the nearest building I was safe!

But not Nalani. Nalani was not in good shape, worse than mine and so she was soaked. I sank to the ground…I was wiped out. A run of fifty meters can do that to a girl…error…make that twenty…ten, I’m thinking it was ten…either way, it can do that to a girl. Crazy!

All in all we are fine. I have agreed to take them for some wilderness training and it’s over.

I’m out, PEACE!