Flying sausages

Before you ask me, no there are no such things as flying sausages...except if you live in my world that is.

This all took place one fine Sunday morning. My parents and I were so excited about my having driving lessons. We’d been running around looking for L-plates then finally gave up and decided that I could draw them myself. Not an easy task I tell you considering there’s some colouring involved. 

[Got that image from google] but you see what I mean. While my brother and sister are somewhat artists, I’m just me.

It was on this Sunday morning that flying sausages were discovered. I took my seat behind the wheel ready to drive us to church. I was armed with my self-made L-plates and my teenage pride that I was probably the best one out on the road.

We left the house, heads and bodies still attached and seat belts firmly on. The only thing that wasn’t secure was my breakfast. There wasn’t enough time to look pretty and eat so I had to sacrifice one and since getting ready was paramount I decided that the breakfast could be carried. I put my boerewors [it’s not even in the dictionary???] in a Tupperware and put them on the dashboard. Father at the front, never again, and we were off.

I didn’t even see it coming you know. I was turning onto Kiambu road from our estate when everything went wrong.

According to that law in physics, bodies in motion blah, blah, blah... I was turning right and you know what happens in a car when you turn right. Everything goes wrong... I meant left including boerewors in a Tupperware on the dashboard of the car.

I was hungry and so the last thing I wanted was to lose my breakfast. I thus focused my attention on my meat. I was not interested in the road anymore even though I was at the wheel.

Dad: wa! Wa!

Mum: AHHHHHH! [In her ‘I trust you completely’ motherly fashion]

Me: what?

Dad: the road!!!!

Me: oh....ahhhhhh! [in my completely calm and appropriate ‘I’m in control voice’, which I never am, in control, that is, and calm so...]

We drive on the left in Kenya. I was headed for a bush or a tree or a ditch [everything happened so fast, in slow motion...well I didn’t see] on the right side. I quickly pulled the car to the appropriate side of the road SKILLFULLY avoiding that oncoming car and after making sure that my father had my breakfast safe and secure and uncontaminated.

At which point I realized what had just happened.

Mum: where were your eyes?

Dad: she was focused on her food.

Mum: are you crazy?

Father is probably asking himself about all the driving lessons he’s been paying for even though he paid in advance so that’s that.

Me: what?

Mum: you just wanted your sausages?

Me: boerewors

Mum: same thing.

Dad: flying sausages.

They were laughing while my heart was still in my throat.

And they weren’t even getting the name right.

Me: IT’S BOeREWORS!!!!

p.s there's a huge difference between boerewors and just sausages! BIG difference!