Uh...so...bye...?

So I was walking [some day] as I always do with my legs... and then I catch up with this girl I used to be in high school with. The thing is I never particularly used to talk to her. She was just that girl in my geography class who slept through most classes and still managed to be the top in our year. I tried that once with one exam and I’m not sure how well I did. I think they withheld my paper for investigation.

Yes, that’s right... I was that good.

Or bad

Or whatever

So I catch up with the girl and we say hi. Have you ever been in that awkward situation when you meet up with someone you barely know? It really is the time you realise that even the right words at that moment would not help the situation be normal.

It’s ten times worse if you are headed in the same direction to the same exact location.

It’s like when you see a bomb and have no idea what to do with it and you throw it at the guy next to you and they throw it back. In a way it’s playing  ‘Hot Potato’ with a bomb that’s about to erupt.

That’s what was happening. So I threw the bomb first.

Me: hi

Her: hey

Me: how’ve you been? [like I give a flying fruit-you know what I mean]

Her: fine. You?

Me: well, you know. [no she doesn’t, you don’t talk at all]

Her: ha. Yeah [you fruiting liar]

Silence.

More silence.

Now this is just awkward.

Me: um...

Her: ha. [what the fruit is funny?]

Me: so why are you headed to your room?

Her: oh, I just didn’t feel like attending class anymore.

This is the part I don’t get. When people are in uncomfortable situations they shut up. I on the other hand feel the need to share, to FRUITING share...

Me: [even though she doesn’t ask] oh, I forgot my book and so I decided since I’ve already signed the register it wouldn’t be too bad skipping class because I’ll just get the notes and read through them. Besides I even left my book in my room and I wouldn’t have even been listening because I’ve been distracted for the last few weeks not even sure by what but I think I’ll be able to get over it by the time exams roll by because I’m not going to let anything distract me because... [yeah that’s right, go ahead and tell her you’re going to take a dump and don’t forget to get her number in case you want to text her the size, shape and colour of what comes out in the toilet How I met your mother style].

Her: oh okay

Me: yeah

Silence.

More silence.

Please don’t try to fill up the silence Wairimu you’ll get us both into trouble.

I can’t possibly listen to myself; I talk a lot of sugar.

Me: so did you hear about the watchman almost getting arrested because he deflated someone’s tires and it was a visitor and the visitor called the cops but he didn’t get fired because some lawyer dude decided he was too good at his job even with all his made up rules because you know how some watchmen can make up their own rules...no? Okay, he made up his own rules and the cops told him to just fix the tires which I thought was just lazy because I could have done that myself had I been caught in the crossfire of it all.

I think at this point, the bomb is about to explode and I am using gossip to reel the conversation to level ground.

Her eyes perk up.

One for Wairimu; zero for awkward situations.

Her: really? That guy should just be fired.

Me: yeah [what an anti climax]

Silence

More silence

Oh yay, we are almost there.

Well, this is good, really good. We both stand at our bedroom doors.

Me: uh...so bye.

Open the door quickly as if I’m being chased by a lion...oh that’s not right... I mean like a bomb is about to blow and take cover within the confines of my room. I breathe out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding and hear the timer stop.

One second more and I would have been in a pile of myself and I think one of me is enough for the world to handle.