Today I watched a bee die in my room.
It flew in at first all high and mighty.
That’s when I screamed, ‘noooooooooooooo,’ because I hate
the sound that bees make when they are in the room.
Of course no one came to
my rescue despite my brother and sister both being present at the time. They claim to love me some days by saying stuff like:
Brother: I’m your favourite brother
Sister: Admit it, you looove me.
At which point I look at them and say, respectively:
Me: You’re my only brother.
Me: Never! :p
Then again, I take what I can get.
Anyway, while I was screaming and fearing my very life
because of the sight of the bee and also while nobody was saving my life, the
bee flew to the window.
Except it must have missed the part in our primary
science lesson when we were told that windows are transparent and that animals
do not have the ability to walk through other solid objects, or fly either.
So now it’s hitting the window countless times because
its brains are not working. The hitting is making the noise even more
unbearable and it is distracting me from my couch potato antics of sitting and
watching stuff on my bed.
I scream out in anger:
Me: you’re dumb
Dumb bee: bzzzzzzzz...
I walk away before the argument becomes heated. When I
come back to my room, it’s now fallen onto the window sill, still buzzing away.
Have you ever tried killing an ant by dropping it from a
high surface? Have you noticed it never dies? Am I the only one who has ever
tried to fake an ant’s suicide? Don’t mind me, I really hate ants.
Mr. Bee, is trying to get on its feet and it looks
positively sad... and pathetic.
Me: how is it you have wings and you fell? You fell!
Dumb bee: bzzzzzzz
Me: oh so do you want my help or are you going to
continue being rude?
I think about giving the bee some help, you know all
creatures of the world... blah.
Then I think about all the things that have happened to
me so far in life:
Ants
Wasp attack 1
Wasp attack 2
Wasp attack 3 [deluxe edition]
That time my cousin was attacked by a wasp.
That time my cousin was stung by a bee and instead of
running for help he ran around the compound shouting ‘BEE’ in both English and Kiswahili
as if that was going to help him. We stood there and laughed at him instead of
helping so I guess it was win: win. Or...
That time my friends all ran away from a sausage fly in
primary and they stepped on me.
That time my friends all ran away from a moth in class
and they tore my book.
That time my friends all ran away from a flying termite
in high school and they stepped on me, dropped some chairs, ruined other
peoples bags and caused fracas during a lesson. This was actually really funny!
That time when someone I know was attacked by a bee and I
laughed at him and then one week later I was attacked by a bee. Karma
I came to a healthy conclusion after reminiscing over
some of the good times with family and friends and decided that I wasn’t going
to help said bee up. I mean if I did extend my hand of kindness would it make
sure I delivered a bunch of flowers to some parade of flowers so that we can
save the rest of its family...wait that’s the plot of that movie ‘Bee Movie’.
Did I even get the it right?
Anyways, what I meant to say was, would it promise to
leave me and the rest of my family and friends alone for eternity?
No because you know what? BEES CAN’T NEGOTIATE!!!
Or talk.
BEES CAN’T TALK OR NEGOTIATE!
And so, I left it to wriggle. No I literally left. I wanted
to go watch cartoons downstairs.
When I came back though I found the dead bee on my window
sill. I’m not sure what to do. Throwing it out seems like it wouldn’t have a
good send off. Of course I did just let it die there. So I’m writing a eulogy:
'Bee, was named Dumb. He lived a good life outside these
walls and though no pictures of him exist, he shall be missed. Bee, if only you’d
just flown out the window you’d come in through. Thank you.
Okay, I lied he or she shall not be missed.'
I’m sleepy...
Goodnight bee
oh wait you're dead.
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